Babies?

I have always been terrified of having children.
Always.

I still am.

In fact, I don't like many kids.

In Utah, when you are Mormon and married, the pressure to have children is incredible. Even now, I am divorced and it still blows people's minds that I didn't bare any kiddos while being married for those 2.75 years. Don't get me wrong, I want a family... eventually. But lately, more than ever, I have had a small, I mean small desire to have a baby, but it's there. Maybe it's because the guy I am kind of dating would be an awesome father? It is weird. It happened when I went to Disneyland in August as well. I guess you could say I am growing up? Maybe. I am not about to run out and have that guy impregnate me. I am really not ready to have children, plus I rather have babies while married- that would be ideal for me. I think I am just... I don't know. Maturing? Starting to look forward to having babies rather than be absolutely scared out of my wits? Meh.. Who knows. It's weird to me, but I guess it's good, but it's even kinda weird to admit these feelings but I had to get it off my chest. I can't be with a guy and speak my mind, because I do, I say most things that cross my mind, and then I would find myself saying something like "Man, it's been weird, but I want a baby." I think he would get the wrong idea.