On home and leaving town.

I was suppose to work today. I realllllly dislike working Sunday's. I like to have the day off so I can travel to my folk's home and spend time together as a family. With the recent news, this has become more important and I dare say, vital, for me to be able to do. Because I am not sure how life is ever going to play out, I need to make sure I prioritize in life. And in doing so, that puts family first. Today was wonderful, because the sous chef worked it so that I could have the day off to spend with my family, especially my mommy. I have incredible coworkers. Anyway, I went home, to my gorgeous valley, my country town where most of my growing up happened, to my folk's home. I spent the afternoon and evening with them, laughing, eating, then some time with Moo making caramel apples and "buckeyes." It was a great Sabbath day, one I really needed after learning about my mom's cancer. I love spending time with my family, I always have. My sister and her family should be coming out from Kentucky for a few weeks around Christmastime. I am so excited to have the whole family together again, it will have been almost two and a half years since we have all been together. Micheaux hasn't seen Colten and Braydon since they have returned from their LDS missions, and so the boys haven't met her two youngest children. It will be a beautiful reunion.
When I was leaving to return to my home tonight, I put an old mixed CD in and I was filled with a flood of nostalgia when I heard Dexter Freebish's "Leaving Town" start playing. I sometimes make moments for myself in life, so when I moved to college my freshman year, I played that song during my Hoytsville-exodus. I was so excited to leave town, move on, love a new place. I was tired of my hometown, I was ready for something new. In the words of the song, I had "lost all (my) feelings for this town."

"Oh your reputation is so golden

You're never lonely and you're never home

I know you've been talking about leaving

You've lost all your feelings for this town.

Paint your nails and put your lipstick

You don't want to miss your ticket out.

Just because you graduate from school

So high in the gene pool that's your point of view."

 Now, it is truly a treasure to go home. I look forward to visits, I love visiting. It's "home," and it always will be. I have found myself running back to that town, maybe not to stay put for long, but to seek comfort in a small town where everyone knows you and loves you for who you are.

"Nothing in life will ever come that easy.

Doesn't mean it has to be that hard.

I know you will find out who you are

But when you're broke and down and no one else is around.

You'll come running back to this town and

I'll be there, yeah I'll be there."

Confession: until recently, I thought I knew who I was. False. I knew pieces of who I am, and it's a question to me as to if I will ever FULLY realize just who I am. I like to think I will. Everyday I am learning more and more about what actually makes me, me. What do I like? What do I want to do? Am I doing and believing and saying things because that is what I want, think, and feel? Or am I doing it to make someone else happy?  I have been doing some serious thinking ever since I called off my engagement. I want to make sure I love myself fully, to be 100% comfortable in my own skin before I run off and get married to somebody. To accomplish my goals, and not drop everything I love, to accommodate somebody else. This is me-time. This is where I learn about me, what makes me tick, what drives me, and to find what I want from this life I have been given. 

So, pardon me while I figure myself out.